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Arkwright -The Independent Voice
I feel it is necessary to illustrate my article this month, as words are inadequate to describe the state of what had once been a pair of trainers. Just look at them! People may be tightening their belts with the current state of the economy but we'll all be out of business if this is the level of wear they insist upon achieving before opting for a new pair. Saturday boy (who is also Wednesday boy) and I often play "guess what they're going to buy" when he works midweek.
As the owner of the offending footwear threw open the shop door Saturday boy hissed "trainers" at me and stood ready with the can of air freshener. Both of us were stunned for being wrong in this assumption as the customer strode across the shop to select a dartboard. Having recovered myself sufficiently, I successfully did the add-ons of darts, shafts and flights before saying, "Thought of replacing your trainers?" He looked at me as if I was about to fly to the moon. I pointed to his feet, which made him glance down. "Now you mention it they probably are looking a little tired". "Tired? They're totally exhausted and have been for some considerable time," I replied. Once the seed to replace was sewn he quickly chose a new pair and generously said we could keep his old ones. Perhaps he thought I looked like a cross between Tracey Emin and Damien Hirst and wanted to do some recycled sports sculpture. This request to dispose of the old trainers happens surprisingly often, I wonder if the same people take yesterday's paper back to the newsagent and left over bones back to the butcher.
With Christmas a distant memory and new year resolutions abandoned I realised mid-January my Tax Return hadn't been filed but then thought, do I really feel I must keep my side of the bargain when the Government seems to be able to find excuses for failures or lost papers/computer records on their part? We're fined by them if we do something wrong, and they're always making up new rules to catch us all out, but they can be as irresponsible as a two-year-old child and simply shrug their shoulders saying, "lessons have been learnt" failing to add "until the next time". Thanks to them the courtyard garden at the back of the shop has become an ashtray for next door's pub now their patrons are forced to smoke outside in the interests of health.
The Government claim to be concerned about obesity, depression/stress (aka laziness) keeping people off work and the resultant strain on the NHS. WAKE UP Mr Brown there is a solution... Make sport compulsory from the cradle to the grave: obesity wiped out in a stroke, with exercise the number of endorphins running round your body depression and stress don't stand a chance and with the increased level of fitness those in the NHS could find themselves twiddling their thumbs, all of those pluses with the added benefit that independent sports retailers stand a chance of survival and therefore able to continue contributing to the great British tax system.
When expressing my gratitude to a white van man who had come to my rescue and retrieved a delivery for me that had gone astray to some random address he commented that sorting out someone else's mess formed a large part of his work. He went on to say that he reckoned the only thing to rely on was a dog, nodding towards his van. "She's been with me 8 years" adding proudly "She's never let me down, seen me through 5 job changes, 4 vans and 3 girlfriends!" It sounded like white van man's version of the 12 days of Christmas but he didn't finish the countdown, I so nearly added: "2 tattoos and 1 road rage"!
