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Arkwright - The Independent Voice
I've been distracted from my usual routines this week because both of my offspring, who fled the nest some years ago, have returned for a few days of parental support. My daughter is bemoaning the fact that she has still to meet Mr Right while my son, with the downturn in house sales, wants to get out of estate agency and into another sphere.
I didn't manage to offer any really constructive help to either of them over the weekend; I simply encouraged with lots of loving words of moral support hoping to keep their optimism high in their respective searches for love and employment. Then, this morning, I woke to realise I'd taken my eye off my own work commitments and hadn't scribed my piece for this journal. Panic! What was the theme to be? Politics, weather and retail analysis have been done to death in the press; then it came to me! I've inflicted my bigoted views on you all over the years so why not shamelessly ask for your help? Who'd like to give my son a job and who'd like to go out with my daughter? Networking through the pages of SGB for a job is not a new departure, maybe Looking for Love is a bit of a digression but then we are all having to adapt in today's challenging market! I can only trust that the Editor doesn't think I am taking liberties by promoting my family in this way.
SON aged 25 has, fortunately for him, inherited good looks, sparkling sense of humour and a generally all-round attractive character. His estate agency sales techniques have equipped him with ambiguous language skills, which a future employer might find useful when combined with his experience in office administration (read: can play happily on the computer for hours). I am delighted to confirm that during his teenage years he underwent a full and vigorous apprenticeship in what some consider to be one of the best sport shops in the country and can personally provide a glowing reference. Sports mad... both participating and as a spectator. Captains a Sunday cricket side, plays and organises five-a-side football, beats most of his mates at snooker and manages to fundraise for worthy charities. If that's not enough he's an FA class 3 referee, qualified lifeguard and has a clean driving licence. Doesn't he just sound your perfect prospective employee? What's more, while he's currently based in the South East he's willing to relocate particularly to London, Nottingham or Cardiff. Would now like to work in: Sports sales, sports related events management, promotion or recruitment. So don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to employ Son of Arkwright! Call today before he's snapped up by one of the Dragons.
DAUGHTER aged 29, again has been lucky to inherit family good looks. Long dark hair, big brown eyes and a great sense of fashion style. There's no pretending it will be a challenge dating her. She's gorgeous but headstrong and independent having carved out a career in film production and has her own flat in London but now, in my opinion, she needs to put the same dedication into finding contentment with a soul mate. So guys if you have a strong character, are reasonably good looking and no past baggage get in touch.
For anyone willing to go for the double, date her and give my son a job, then martyrdom is assured and you'll have the added bonus of some great and grateful in laws should things progress that far!
I do have another excuse for my mind not being totally focused on my regular commitments and that is it seems likely that I will be taking part in a coup over the coming weeks. Sounds a bit dramatic, but change is needed in our town, and I can only write briefly of it, as now I must head off for a clandestine meeting for further evidence gathering and plotting. Hopefully I'll be reporting next month mission accomplished. Some of the subterfuge has been so great there have been times I felt as though I'm in an episode of ‘Allo ‘Allo and started to whisper in a phoney French accent. No one's wearing a false moustache yet and I don't think there'll be any reason for me to dress in a maid's outfit but at this stage nothing can be ruled out. However, there's a positive knock-on for sales in the shop because when a fellow plotter comes in to update me they feel it necessary to maintain their cover if we get interrupted by a customer and consequently buy something. While I fully support the cause business is business and there'll be no refunds for these impulse purchases just because we're fellow conspirators!
