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Arkwright - The Independent Voice
There seems neither rhyme nor reason to the erratic pattern of business at the moment, even the usually popular bank surprised me with there being no queue when I called to deposit the contents of my money box. I asked the forlorn looking cashiers what had caused their drop in magnetism. Shrugging their shoulders despondently they offered bad weather, rising mortgage rates and a missing feel good factor as possible reasons.
I suggested, to generate a bit of interest and humour, I could trial a promotion for them:“withdraw one fiver get another free” then pass the word along the High Street for others to follow. Though the idea raised a few laughs and seemed to brighten their spirits they felt it probably wasn’t something Head Office would approve of. Disappointed at the narrow mindedness of their bosses I returned to the shop. There I was greeted, like a long lost cousin, by a man who said,“I had some Nike sandals from you about ten years ago, I wondered if you’d still got them as I need another pair”. His enthusiasm for the shop and me changed when I said,“Business may be bad mate but thankfully stock turns over a little quicker than that” and before I could add,“How’s about something from this millennium’s collection?” he was gone. Feeling another read through my self-help book on how to avoid relying on sarcasm was probably called for I retreated to the stockroom.
Toning down sarcasm
After three chapters and a caffeine fix I thought my mindset was suitably changed and upbeat to face the public again so returned to the shop floor. Whilst not wishing to turn business away there are certain people it would just be preferable if they took their custom elsewhere because there’s always a problem, if not at the time of sale then when they spuriously find fault and return goods, and that morning it had to be one such regular that appeared next. “Calm” I reminded myself and thus I was able to navigate her issues with charm, she even seemed to think I was being considerate when I commented, “I need to be sure you’re happy before you buy because I don’t want you to have to waste time bringing it back” – the book stated that if the recipient of the sentiment doesn’t detect sarcasm then it doesn’t count, so whilst not giving it up totally I was succeeding in toning it down. It was a start to my latest therapy.
Is cheap best?
Perhaps it’s a sign of a recession rolling in that I’m hearing more frequently the phrase,“Have you got a cheap……?” and it’s applied across the spectrum: clothing, equipment and footwear. The trouble with “cheap” is too often the punters still expect a product that will perform and last like a higher quality item so bring things back complaining when they don’t stand up to the inappropriate stresses put upon them. A common one at this time of year is, of course, the competitively driven father who expects a beach cricket set to perform like a £200 bat when he hits a leather cricket ball way out of the garden. I was touched when a little lad, standing by as his father complained about the split bat, butted in, “It was OK when I played with my friends. My Mum says he always has to show off”. Whoops, that knocked the refund nicely on the head and the father was so embarrassed he bought another set, result! Returning to cheap…..what some people will buy off the internet astounds me. OK, I can see the attraction if you’re going to save ten, twenty or more pounds but a swimming hat? Yes, and when it didn’t turn up I was lucky enough to get the sale and have to listen to the whole process of buying on line and how they took the money and the thing didn’t turn up and so she had to come to me…. Blah! Blah! Blah! And you know she was so wrapped up in her little internet world she actually thought I was interested and cared!! If one equates the 95p profit on the hat, less overheads, to the time I had to spend listening to her tale it means I should be contacting the shopkeepers union because I am clearly earning way below the minimum hourly wage!! There is definitely a misguided addiction to the web; a lad came in asking me to fit a cricket bat grip. I passed him the bag of grips and invited him to choose a colour. It turned out he’d got the grip and just wanted me to fit it! The grip came off the web and cost £5, I sell the same thing for £2. What is wrong with people, is there snob value in saying “I got it off the net”??
