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Arkwright - The Independent Voice
It all seemed like a good idea and I'm sure I'll think so again once things have calmed down but for now I'm totally traumatised. During the summer a cunning plan was hatched with the intention of making life easier by moving; not our house but of moving the sports shop to premises nearer to our house. Any mention of my having a "cunning plan" is like setting off a thousand alarm bells in my partner's mind and a smiling face quickly clouds over with a misty expression, so looking for sympathy from that quarter is getting pretty short shrift right now.
On moving day things were getting a little strained between us, I kept pretending I couldn't hear muttered remarks along the lines of "someone round here is always coming up with clever ideas and then expects others to help execute them". When I didn't respond these progressed to "Why do you never listen? Didn't I warn you how bad this would be?" At which point I stupidly set myself up by saying, "Moving may be stressful, it can at times nearly equate with the stress of divorce". No more muttering then, loud and clear the response came, "Divorce, splendid! A cunning plan to end all cunning plans! So how soon can we implement that one?" I went off to make a cup of tea in an effort to help defuse the situation and I thought that, along with the chocolate biscuits, had successfully smoothed the waters. However, the next day I overheard the other half explaining our impending divorce to a customer. I was shocked but on continuing to eavesdrop I think (I haven't dared ask for reassurance in case it's not forthcoming) it was merely a ploy to distract attention from the customer's unhappiness that we'd moved premises. "Whose life and shop is it?" I was tempted to scream from behind the arras, formed by an enormous pile of boxes we had yet to unpack, but that remark could have turned on me too and become a debating point in the divorce settlement so best left alone until I thought I knew better where I stood. Ten days on, a couple more arguments, a lot of shuffling of stock but no further mention of the D word so I'm assuming we're still happily married and there'll be no further action on that front.
Prior to the move we had a bit of a sale to reduce the stock and there were some good bargains to be had. The real winners were the trainers that had become mixed size pairs, so no longer strictly pairs, but tissue paper in the toe can work wonders in getting the fit right and anyway most people have one foot bigger than the other as they are so fond of telling me, along with far too much detail of other foot complaints. However, when I started pulling out some random bits of furniture that had accumulated in the stock room over the years, and before I could get them to the pavement to then be taken to the dump, people started fighting for them! The more broken it was the more they wanted it, up went the price. My neighbour told me it's all about the power of surprise; people perceive more of a bargain if it's in an unexpected environment so flogging broken furniture in the sports shop may be a useful digression to see us through the recession. Perhaps adidas need to think that far out of the box to counter their alarming 93% drop in profits, is it possible tables with wobbly legs and 3 stripes across them could catch on?
Good news that England has qualified for the World Cup but in my usual cynical style I do have some cold water to pour on the 5-1 win over Croatia because if the score was to be in line with the England:Croatia population ratio it should actually have been more like 11-1. Further, whilst I have nothing against Fabio Capello, or Sven, I think it's an absolute disgrace that not once but twice England failed to come up with an English coach who is capable of taking control of 11 overpaid little boys. Is there no English person, hungry enough, ambitious enough or proud enough to achieve in this role?
Who says crime doesn't pay? It would appear it could if a poacher retailer becomes gamekeeper and cosies-up to the Office of Fair Trading promising never to be naughty again and co-operate fully. Investigations are on going so I'm certainly not using the word guilty but you hardly hold your hand up and ask for immunity unless you did something. The fact that whilst poacher one (possibly) participated in cartel activity and fraud and (probably) benefited fantastically whilst damaging competitors who played by the rules fits perfectly alongside the revelations of dodgy banking practices. What a wonderful world!
